It is often believed, that sex is a cure for the troubles of two loving people. However, even if it soothes conflicts and lowers tension, it is no substitute for mutual understanding. Who likes each other, this one is croaking. Maybe that is why it is so easy to feel passionate about marriage in a marriage, like quarrels. However, any argument or violent exchange of views leaves a crack, hurts partners' feelings. Sex in such an atmosphere may not be soothing.
Not everyone wants to talk, seek a compromise and learn, how to solve problems together. It's a hard road, requiring patience on both sides. That's why some couples take shortcuts and try to make up, arranging an intimate situation. Instead of clearing up the essence of the dispute and working on resolving it, prefer jumping to bed. After all, they feel good together there, so they will forget about it effortlessly, what separates them. It seems to them, that the bedroom is a refuge, into which the tensions will not penetrate, threats, problems, bombarded by work and family life. In some relationships, sex even has a preventive function – when partners feel a row in the air, they go to bed, to avoid unpleasant situation. In a way, they achieve the desired result – the tension drops temporarily and there is no sharp exchange of views. But finally you have to get out of the bedroom. Then it turns out, that the problem remained unresolved, and the spouses are at zero.
Constant lack of time.
We still don't have enough for ourselves. We work in two, three places, we are chasing money, career, success. On weekends, we make up for the week-long household arrears, educational, and for ourselves we manage to carve out some time for television or… sex. If the situation is tense, we go to bed in hope, that we will relax in this way, we will clear the atmosphere of accumulated regrets. Or – we choose to have sex for non-sexual reasons. We do not get closer to each other out of feeling, fascination and desire. We do not want to provide each other with mutual pleasure, on the contrary – we bring frustration and desire to bed, to solve the problem through the sexual act. In sex, we see an anesthetic and a substitute for love, which we do not have time to show on a daily basis. Love can be expressed through sex, but it's not just sex. Psychotherapists are paying attention to this more and more often, that physical rapprochement undertaken for reasons other than emotional does not provide so much joy and satisfaction, like the coexistence of two people who are really close to each other. So it's better to clear up your misunderstandings and make peace, and then open the bedroom door.
When sex makes therapeutic sense.
However, it cannot be said, that sex never plays a positive role in restoring marital harmony. Sometimes spouses find it easier to apologize to each other in intimate contact. It also happens, that during the exchange of caresses they externalize their needs, not only sexual, but they confide in the most secret problems. Their self-knowledge becomes deeper, learn about mutual expectations. This is especially the case in young people's relationships, in which partners are fascinated by their physicality and have great sexual needs. If this openness to a partner will continue in other life situations, their relationship has a chance to develop. If, on the other hand, they stop at sex, it may happen, years later they will find out, that they were living with a complete stranger.
Sexual contacts, even very successful and frequent, are not a sufficient way to get to know your partner well. Sex initially plays a very important role, but later, in longer-term relationships it takes a further place in the hierarchy of needs, giving way to friendship, attachment, obligations towards children. Then the emotional closeness of two people becomes the most important for the duration of the relationship. However, time is needed to maintain and develop it, which we give to each other.