It was a difficult and painful decision. but you took it. You have no other choice, how to break up. But you need a lot of courage, to convey this message to the child. How to do it?
If the child is properly prepared for the separation of the parents, there is a chance, that he can take it. he will find himself in the new situation gently and faster.
When to tell him?
Don't say the word “divorce”, until you and your husband make a final decision and the case goes to trial. On the other hand, don't wait until you move, to throw casually: “Aha. mommy and daddy are splitting up”.
The excuses don't make sense – the child should know first, and it's from you, not from strangers.
How to tell him?
Regardless of the age of the child (even if it is tiny) parents, best together, they must tell him three things;
Even though the conjugal love has expired, they both constantly love and will love their child. It can be summarized as follows: “We're not going to live together anymore. You will stay with your mom, but you can (she could) seeing my dad, Whenever you want. Daddy's still your daddy, and mommy is mommy – nothing has changed in this respect. We will still meet, to talk about your problems”.
Whatever the child might think, parents don't get divorced because of him. You should clear them of guilt; repeating to him, that is wonderful. If he asks, why you diverge, it is not necessary to go into details. Suffice it to say: "It's not like it used to be between mom and dad",
There is no chance of that, let you change your mind. Everything he will do (anger, cry, whims) it will be useless anyway. The child must understand, that it is an irrevocable decision of adults.
After delivering the sad news
One of the ways, how the child tries to counteract the separation of parents, there is an escape into sickness. He feels it subconsciously, that his illness would distract parents from their differing matters and focus on their health at risk. So you need to carefully monitor any disturbing symptoms, e.g.. waking up at night, bedwetting, stomach pain. Let us not hesitate before visiting a psychologist, if the need arises.
Once she is grown up
Adult children of divorcing couples are exposed to equally intense anxiety and suffering, say psychologists. Although they already have a life of their own. judgment. work, partner, the stress caused by the parents' separation is no less. Adult children are less likely to receive emotional support from their parents. Rather, it is expected, that it will be an impartial mediator and manage to contain its own terror. She is also not hiding from him, like before a few years old, all the dramatic details about the life of mother and father together. Therefore, it is much more difficult for him to forgive his parents for their weaknesses or understand ugly deeds. It happens, that she then breaks off contact with one of the parents, blamed by the other for a broken life. If she considered her childhood happy, he often becomes suspicious, it was just an illusion.